| During the time I have spent working at home, I have | | | | might want to give up my virtually free phone deal and |
| encountered many telemarketers. That's how I found | | | | pay for line rental, he just started over with his script |
| out about their radar: when I went out to work | | | | listing the number of free minutes of air time they |
| telemarketers always rang in the evening while I was | | | | would "give" me. The fact that I would not use the air |
| trying to cook or eat dinner, now they ring during the | | | | time seemed to make no difference, there was |
| day when I am trying to work at home. | | | | nothing about that in his script and I had to resort to |
| A joke that arrived in my email made me realise that I | | | | abrupt termination of the call. |
| am not alone in being less than fond of telemarketers. | | | | Next time I'll try this tip:- Tell the Telemarketer you are |
| (In fact, they are on my list right up with lawyers and | | | | busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give |
| estate agents.) I'll be sharing a few tips from this joke | | | | you his/her home phone number so you can call him |
| with you throughout this article but, if you want to read | | | | her back. When the Telemarketer explains that |
| all 20 of them, you can see them at my website on | | | | telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers |
| the same page as this article. | | | | say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at |
| I can usually identify telemarketers immediately | | | | home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you |
| because they will almost inevitably open with "Good | | | | say, "Me either!" Hang up. |
| morning, madam. How are you today?" Nobody but a | | | | The telemarketer who wanted me to switch to a new |
| telemarketer would dream of ringing a person and | | | | power supplier taught me a lot about the telemarketing |
| addressing her as "madam". Presumably that is a | | | | profession. The power supply marketers who turn up |
| marketing technique which is supposed to give the | | | | on my doorstep, accost me in the supermarket or |
| illusion that you are the customer and the telemarketer | | | | telephone me, usually baffle me with figures, blind me |
| is there to serve you but it just gives me the idea that I | | | | with science and leave me feeling I should sign up with |
| should have let the answering machine pick up this call. | | | | them immediately. The last one to phone me |
| The tip for circumventing the whole thing is:- As soon | | | | happened to ring while I was in my office at home and |
| as you realize it is a Telemarketer, scream "Oh my | | | | I had my power bills to hand. The telemarketer asked |
| God!" and then hang up. | | | | me how much I paid each month to my power supplier |
| It took me quite a while to get to grips with the | | | | and then assured me that he could save me 30% on |
| constant annoyance of telemarketing calls. I was | | | | my bills. I was impressed and asked how he calculated |
| brought up to be polite but I eventually discovered it is | | | | that figure. He informed me that he had a "chart". In an |
| impossible to get rid of telemarketers without resorting | | | | effort to finally understand the mysteries of calculating |
| to rudeness. I don't ask these people to ring me up and | | | | these savings, I asked the telemarketer to give me an |
| try to sell me things I don't want: everything from | | | | exact breakdown of the amount his company would |
| jigsaw puzzles and books, through lingerie and cinema | | | | charge for my most recent electricity bill. He said he |
| tickets to health insurance and mobility aids. As I | | | | couldn't because he was not good at maths. As he |
| (thankfully) am and always have been fully mobile, I | | | | had given me the price per unit, I found it pretty easy |
| don't understand the reason for the last one. | | | | to calculate for myself but I couldn't understand why |
| Actually, the telemarketer who was offering mobility | | | | the cost came out higher when he had said his |
| aids was a great example of a bad telemarketer. His | | | | company charged 30% less. I'd barely managed to ask |
| opening gambit was "Good morning, madam. I'm from | | | | for an explanation when he hung up. This particular |
| XYZ Company, I expect you've heard of us?" When I | | | | telemarketer taught me that telemarketers will tell you |
| replied "No." his response was a grumpy-sounding "I | | | | anything their script requires even if they don't |
| can't think why not". So, did he ring just to point out that | | | | understand it or know it is a complete lie. |
| I'm ignorant? When he hurried on with his script and | | | | This tip might help:- Tell them to talk very slowly, |
| asked me if I have any difficulty getting in or out of the | | | | because you want to write every word down. |
| house, I was tempted to reply "Only when I'm drunk" | | | | Alternatively this might work:- Insist that the caller is |
| but I managed to bite my lip on that one: "no" is | | | | really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, |
| definitely the only safe word to use when dealing with | | | | cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" |
| telemarketers. | | | | Telemarketers should be treated like children at |
| A better way of dealing with this type of call is the | | | | bedtime: use a firm tone when saying "no" and do not |
| following tip:- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ | | | | be drawn into conversation. I have tried ignoring the |
| Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask | | | | "How are you today" but that just means they launch |
| them to spell the company name. Then ask them | | | | straight into the script. Next time I am going to try "I'm |
| where it is located, how long it has been in business, | | | | so glad you asked, because no one these days |
| how many people work there, how they got into this | | | | seems to care, and I have all these problems. My |
| line of work if they are married, how many kids they | | | | arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog |
| have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or | | | | just died . . . " |
| questions about their company for as long as | | | | I've tried asking pointedly: "What do you actually |
| necessary. | | | | want?" but the reply was "I want to try to save you |
| Alternatively try this tip:- Tell them you are hard of | | | | money" (how kind considering we are perfect |
| hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . | | | | strangers). If only I'd received the telemarketer joke |
| louder . . . | | | | before this I would have said "I just filed for bankruptcy |
| The telemarketers for mobile phone companies are | | | | and I could sure use some money". |
| the thickest skinned and most persistent variety of the | | | | I've also tried "Are you selling something?" but they |
| species I have encountered so far. They also tend to | | | | never fall into the trap of answering that one. For days |
| have the strongest accents and I feel mean giving | | | | when I'm not busy and fancy a little fun, I'm keeping a |
| them a hard time when they are at a disadvantage to | | | | crossword puzzle on my desk. I'll ask every |
| begin with. I always used to answer their questions in | | | | telemarketer who calls to help me solve some clues. |
| the hope that they would realise that I was not a good | | | | I've made out a score card for me -v- telemarketers |
| prospect for mobile phone upgrades. When I asked | | | | and I give myself double points each time I can force a |
| the last mobile phone telemarketer why he thought I | | | | telemarketer to hang up. |