| We were sitting here trying, as usual, to | | | | swing. In other words, we'd shy away from |
| figure out how today's America, saddled with | | | | intervention, except when the player breaks |
| the burdens of inadvertent empire, could | | | | the usual rules of the game or becomes |
| conduct itself in the world so Americans are | | | | excessively rowdy. Then we might give the |
| happy about how we're doing and the rest of | | | | offender a warning and, if that fails to |
| the world might actually either approve or | | | | moderate the behavior, invoke whatever |
| have a hard time disapproving of our | | | | legitimate power we have to eject the |
| behavior. We finally hit on an answer that's | | | | troublemaker from the game. |
| so moronic we knew right away it has real | | | | |
| potential. | | | | We'd also know, like any competent ref, to |
| | | | let the overall game go on as best as the |
| We behave as if we're the American Umpire, | | | | players can perform, while we may, if we |
| that is, we call the balls and strikes in the | | | | choose, cast a smile at the winners or a |
| global games based on the principle we've all | | | | sympathetic look at the losers. And when |
| grown up with, can understand, and most of | | | | another nation hits a homer, we certainly |
| the world even admires: fair play. | | | | wouldn't attempt to trip the runner while he |
| | | | rounds the bases. |
| And, being the ump, we expect the players to | | | | |
| respond with good sportsmanship, no matter | | | | And coincidence of coincidences. No sooner |
| which way the calls go. | | | | did we approve the cartoon to illustrate this |
| | | | simple but super principle than we saw |
| Needless to say, part of this easily | | | | confirmation that it has real possibilities. |
| understandable and highly commendable modus | | | | The following headline, from the Associated |
| operandi requires us to call the balls and | | | | Press, appeared on Yahoo: "Bush To Referee |
| strikes fairly on ourselves, too, even when | | | | Karzai, Musharraf Dinner." |
| Uncle Sam strikes out. | | | | |
| | | | No matter what our feelings are about Bush's |
| Of course, you can advance more intellectual | | | | overall performance, we sensed he would do |
| principles by which we should conduct | | | | well. Although we doubt he had the specific |
| ourselves as the world's super-duper power. | | | | inspiration in mind of being the ump, just |
| But we think behaving as if we're the | | | | having grown up with a sense of fair play |
| American Umpire is the principle that most | | | | would help make him comfortable in such a |
| Americans can understand and be proud to be | | | | role. |
| part of and that can lead to conduct on the | | | | |
| part of the USA that encourages other nations | | | | Apparently, he refereed admirably. The three |
| to cheer us on. | | | | agreed to increase their cooperation in |
| | | | fighting terrorism. |
| In the land of Yankee Stadium, we learn from | | | | |
| the time we're children about the necessity | | | | As Musharraf said, "The meeting that I held |
| for fair play and the demands of good | | | | with President Bush and Hamid Karzai last |
| sportsmanship. What American kid hasn't had | | | | night was very good. It was decided that we |
| to make terms with the fact that the ump just | | | | should have a common strategy. We have to |
| called strike three, maybe even with the | | | | fight terrorism. We have to defeat it, defeat |
| bases loaded, that roughing the kicker just | | | | it jointly." |
| resulted in a penalty, or that committing the | | | | |
| fifth foul of an important basketball game | | | | That's quite a departure from the usual ways |
| landed the player on the bench, like it or | | | | Musharraf and Karzai have pointed their |
| not. | | | | fingers at each other. But the players still |
| | | | had a hard time making nice. At the press |
| Even if we moderate or lose our interest in | | | | conference that followed the dinner, the two |
| sports when we become adults, most of us | | | | shook the ump's hand but couldn't bring |
| still retain our sense of fair play. | | | | themselves to shake each other's. What was |
| | | | missing? You guessed it. A little more good |
| Of course, many other nations have a highly | | | | sportsmanship. |
| developed sense of fair play, particularly, | | | | |
| we think, England, which may help explain why | | | | But a couple of days later, we noted that |
| the UK and the US often agree on policy. | | | | Hamid Karzai announced that he and Musharraf |
| | | | will jointly lead a series of tribal meetings |
| But look high and low around the globe and | | | | along their common border in an attempt to |
| tell us how many countries you detect with an | | | | decrease attacks on Afghanistan by the |
| allegiance to the principle that is more | | | | Pakistan-based Taliban. Is that progress or |
| ingrained than it is in America. At any rate, | | | | what? And the American Umpire played a |
| it's so much a part of the persona of the | | | | positive role. |
| gringo that it qualifies as an inviting | | | | |
| alternative to our present uncertainty and | | | | Lest you believe we are mindlessly advocating |
| ineptitude. | | | | a problematic solution, we can only say that |
| | | | the very idea that it presents any semblance |
| In fact, if you look at a lot of the world, | | | | of superiority over our present international |
| particularly its "cleverer" locales, you | | | | conduct says more than enough to justifiy |
| notice that as an operating principle fair | | | | mountains of enthusiasm. |
| play doesn't have much of a place. The | | | | |
| frequent modus is trying to win by hook, | | | | So, whatever you do, do not underestimate |
| crook, or even murder. What prevails is | | | | this idiotic principle. Remember the saying, |
| thinking small quickly, instead of big | | | | whether or not Wellington actually coined it, |
| fairly, sort of like a scurrying bug on a | | | | "Napoleon was defeated on the playing fields |
| table top. What the wise onlooker knows to do | | | | of Eton." And we've got at least as much |
| is watch and, at just the right moment, brush | | | | training as the limeys do on playing fields |
| it away or outright swat the critter. | | | | all across the land of the Yankee. |
| | | | |
| The concept can also guide us away from our | | | | The preseason warm ups are over. It's time |
| worst international missteps. When we see | | | | for the regular season to begin. So let's |
| ourselves as calling the balls and strikes as | | | | hear the American Umpire call, "Let's play |
| fairly as we can, we'd know to let the | | | | ball!" |
| batters swing the way they want to. We | | | | |
| wouldn't reach over, grab the bat, and | | | | It would be especially winning to see the |
| demonstrate how we think he or she should | | | | President throw out the first ball. |